“Show me how crazy you are”
Only for “crazy” readers
It is said that gray is a mix of dark and white — a sort of hybrid color — an orphan, one that has no friends and lives a lonely life, most of the time.
In times of loneliness, it feels as if we’re nothing in something so much bigger than ourselves, something we call life. How can we experience such state of being in an infinitely huge place like this one? How on earth could you, me and them feel alone with 7+ billions of souls walking around us?
I hate to admit it but, I do feel your pain and it pains me to do so. There’s a new trend my friend, new? Not really, let’s say it recently got some popularity. Does it mean it wasn’t popular before? No it was, but mostly seen as a “secret weapon”, everyone that came across it thought they were the only one who understood it.
I am becoming impatient, with myself, with you, with the world around, please, I beg you, speak and stop playing with me. What is it? Tell me, tell meeee, I don’t want to scream but right now, I have to — telllll meeeeee… Gosh it feels good to let it out, my curiosity.
I love the way you allow yourself freedom of expression — it’s beautiful, just as the craziness of your mind. I don’t believe in the attraction of opposites, I believe we must be from the same vibes to exist in harmony. It’s the reason you’re here, with me, in this darkness. The world is trying to explain many things, scientists are in the lab all the time — while their subjects are from nature — do you see the bug in their reasoning?
The idea about attraction, keep talking — I find it interesting, I always felt this way, I must have no reasoning at all and sorry for that dear scientists, but I feel, I feel a fucking lot. Everyday is intense. Everyday I drown myself into my feelings. Some days is about the way my ex fucked up our relationship, others it’s about the way my family never seems to understand me — and others, I just break in tears — because I care for everyone else, give all I can to everyone else, spend all I am and have for everyone else and…
What? They don’t give it back to you?
Yes and no. They don’t give shit but that’s not what hurts me, what puts me in pain is the fact that I never serve myself, never cherish who I am the way I do with others. This cigarette is a punition, the smoke, the fire I feel while it burns everything within myself is a punition for not having taken care of myself.
It’s intense I must say, but you’ve come farther than most. You acknowledge the existence of the universe within yourself and that’s a big step forward in one’s life. I remember the first time it happened to me. And yes, each time I do — I remember these same emotions of loneliness, pain, struggles. I freed them long ago but girl, they were intense. The hardest part is finding someone who will actually believe and get what you mean.
Haha! Yeah… I remember the day I left my “perfect” life without any “logical” explanation. People were upset at me, like for real! Some said I wasn’t grateful and would suffer from this. I kept on moving, I followed my “inner guidance”, I really hate those labels haha.
I do to. We love categorizing everything but it sucks, life is perfect without useless labels, useless words, useless expectations from everything. Do you think finding your reason of existence — your purpose — actually means becoming a child again? That’s what I always believed. Why do we love watching kids? Animals? I mean zoos make a lot of cash right? Haha seriously!
I guess you’re right, I guess the path we’re taking is about remembering who we were once, even if to most people it means ungratefulness, craziness, or no “logical” sense— it’s time we care for ourselves, the vibes ain’t the same no more. Time to create something dear artist.
I’m just a “writer”, I don’t like this label too. It reminds me of a friend who loves sharing positives thoughts all over the place. He asked me once “What is my profession if I only share positive thoughts and motivate people? Am I a motivational speaker?” I answered him that I didn’t know what I was too, that I hated labels and to just be himself, that one day his name would be enough.
That was the dumbest answer ever hahahaha!!!
I know. You can laugh. You’re lucky I love your smile. But yeah, I consider writing to be art, each time a writer sits and looks at the screen, each time his fingers get on the keyboard— something happens — he becomes possessed by the universal wisdom. Do you see how singers and entertainers look possessed while performing? It’s the same dance with writers once they’re in their “zone”. It’s them and their craft.
Oooouuuh, someone’s flirting. I am high right now with all we’re speaking about but I’m not desperate. But, again. It is reciprocated. And yes, artists can look “possessed” at times, let’s say they’re expressing something greater than themselves for the common good.
I’m not flirting, you’re the one flirting right now with your stories. Who asked you for reciprocation in whatsoever? I caught you!
Yeah yeah. By the way, what was the secret you wanted to speak about?
Oh, yeah I forgot that one. The “secret weapon” I was speaking about was empathy.
Hmm… You have the best way of delivering a major secret, it looks like something so stupid now haha. Empathy is nothing new. Everyone knows about it!
This way of delivering “major secrets” was taught to me by God, like everything else we search for, the secrets, the knowledge, the mysteries of life: it’s nothing new. Everyone knows about it. We just want confirmations, we just want to remember what we already have within ourselves. You already know everything.
You are definitely crazy. And it’s what I love about you.